easier said than done

I'm sure you've heard that expression before, whether it was told to you, or you passed on the "as they say."  Well let me start with, I make the daily CHOICE to be a happy person, say ENCOURAGING words, phrases, or try to make people laugh/SMILE...it is the GREATEST feeling honestly.  I couldn't imagine waking up and not being thankful for the life I have, for the air I breathe, and the ability in me to share with you.  What I want to share with you right NOW is to TRY to take the time and effort to being courteous to YOUR heart...all you ever deserve is the BEST, why would you strive for anything less??  Whether it's noticing how you treat others, knowing if you're uncomfortable in a certain situation, and or having the courage to take on that battle.  The battle isnt't with life my dear readers, it's inside you.  All those little emotions running around: angry happy mad sad loving kind generous courageous etc can all be controlled by YOU...and YOU only.  Instead of battling with life, and the precious people in it, try learning how to deal with it.  Or you can spend thousands of dollars on a therapist to prescribe you sedatives, or xanax etc but then I'm sure you'll be back in a few weeks later with the SAME problems.  Get to know yourself a little before giving into your SELF!  Trust me, it's not easy, I battle with myself daily- sometimes more than once to appreciate every little thing about me, good and bad!  Sometimes I can be "bratty" or "selfish" but these are things I'm aware of and I'm trying to acknowledge it when they occur.  And believe me at times my pride has, and will get in the way, but pushing through it is where you see the growth.  I'm at such a beautiful place in life right now, besides living at home- no offense Mommy :) btw that'll be a later post in time lol

Challenge yourself...when you wake up tomorrow, remind yourself to TRY and be positive throughout the day...when your mother in law pisses you off, your co worker eats your lunch, the asshole in front of you cuts you off etc no one should be allowed to suck the happiness out of you :)

an eye opener

It was a typical Thursday night, I had just finished @8strikes, and was debating if I should pull an "all nighter" considering I had to be at work by 4am on Friday and I had already been up for 27 hours.  Well what do you know "Deanna" twisted my arm, and we decided to hit up the Palms for a birthday bash.  Everyone I met at the VIP table was super cool, super chill, and down to have a good ass time.  Drinks were made, sexy bodies were dancing, and I even think I tried hitting on the bartender?  Lol I was definitely going "all in," sending twitpics- that read "just gettin started" (mind you that tweet was sent at 2am ish?)

The drive from my apartment to work (at the time) was 7 minutes, give or take a few depending on the street lights.  So by the time 330 rolls around, I'm thinking "umm I better stop drinking" so I did, and danced a few more dances before heading home.  "Deanna" questioned if I was "okay to drive?"  "Ya I'm good!" was my response, and there I went- a good 3 miles and I was home.  I changed, made my lunch, and took Raider out to poop.  What I thought was a routine drive to work, turned into a totalled car, a ride to the hospital, and a life changing experience.

By this time is was already 430am, I was typically late, but I didnt care.  I didn't have time to warm up my brother's 4Runner (which btw I had to borrow for the week- that'll be another blog later in time) so off to work I go.  I don't remember who I was texting, or tweeting at the time (because I was under the influence) but all I know is it took ONE SECOND for me to take my eyes off the road, and it was a "jaws of life" situation.  I hit the median, and rolled the vehicle (1 1/2 times) landing on the driver side, in the middle of Russell Rd.  When I finally realized what had happened a by stander came to the front windshield asking "Are you okay in there?" "Can you get out?"  I looked around the car with confusion, and somewhat of an out of body experience to capture the idea of what was going on.  I reached for the release button on my seat belt, and it wouldnt budge.  The seat belt had locked up, and I was trying to hold myself up from my side to try to figure a way out- I was trapped!  The man was still questioning me while I was trying to get out "are you in there by yourself" "have you been drinking?" His next statement would have flipped my lid even if I wasn't in an accident- "Don't worry, but I just wanted to tell you that the vehicle is leaking fluid- it might be gas...." I sat there in disbelief thinking to myself "I'm gonna die" I then repeatedly yanked on that damn seat belt release button but nothing, I tried squeezing out but that wasn't working either..."the police, and medics are on their way- don't worry" is what he said trying to reassure me.
All I can think of when the fire fighter said "we have to use the jaws of life to get you out" is "my brother's gonna fuckin kill me!!"  He had just spent a few grand on the truck's engine, and it was his way of transportation.  He threw the tarp over our bodies, and held me, as I cried.  I could feel the pieces of glass hit our protected bodies, but the sound of the saw going through the metal is what I remember most.  Thinking back to my experience it felt like hours that they were trying to get me out, but I'm sure it was no longer than 10 minutes?
If you've ever had an experience where you felt like you had NOBODY to call, hear me out for a second.  I'm laying in the hospital bed thinking of how I'm gonna explain this one to my Mom, will I be out of a job, I dont have extra money right now for this, etc when the nurse comes to my bed and asks "Do you have FAMILY or someone to call to pick you up?"  I thought for a few second's and I cried "No."  I wanted to "Call Mom" my sister, or someone who would drop anything for me in a second, but what can they do 4 1/2 hours away from me.  My second thought was to call my ex, but I knew he wouldn't answer because he's a heavy sleeper lol true story!  I had nobody to turn to, and felt alone.

The NHP came to my bedside, and said "we could bust you for a DUI, but your vitals are okay, and I've never seen an accident like yours where someone walks away- you're lucky kid!!  Be careful"  I walked away from this accident with no broken bones, major trauma, nor injuries to pedestrians.  I'm lucky to be alive and share my story with you in hopes to shake up your world with what could happen!!  My accident anniversary is 11/19 so I thought it would be fitting to diclose my story, and show some pictures- before and afters if you will.  Think When You Drink.  It's not worth it!